If you use social media at all, you’ve more than likely seen some reference to Disney’s latest hit family movie Encanto.
True to form, Encanto explores tragedy, challenge and triumph with catchy tunes and beautiful imagery. Surprisingly though, the authenticity of family dynamics and culture and how they relate to issues many adults have certainly caught me off guard.
I won’t expound on what happens in the movie but I have been musing on a truth the movie explores. The eldest sister Luisa is given the gift of strength and in true family dynamic, this means that she is given more than her fair share of emotional burden and physical burden, by not only her family but the entire village. She is featured in a song where she expresses the tremendous pressure that she feels as the oldest and the quite literally, strongest grandchild. The imagery to go along with the song shows her balancing great burdens and burying her own fears and anxiety all while avoiding the pressure to burst. Luisa then explains that she has to keep going because her worth is how much she can help her family and village by using her strength, and that she has to push forward even though she’s exhausted.
So when we find the gift, or the skill that proves most useful to others and brings us the most validation we hold tight to it and a lot of times, we can let it define us. When we meet someone new we almost automatically ask for their name, where they’re from and what they do. And in reference to them, we almost always mention what someone does or is good at as their identifier. And so in a world where human relationships are steadily becoming more and more transactional, confusing value with worth is an easy mistake to make.
We are told to cut toxic people out of our lives if they do nothing for us, and to avoid relationships where the other person doesn’t bring something to the table or add immediate value to our lives. It is so easy then to think that if we aren’t proving useful to our friends or family we can reasonably fear isolation and abandonment. So we work ourselves into a panic of constant self assessment asking ‘what do I bring to the table?’ ‘What value am I adding?’ ‘Am I doing enough to be loved or liked or at the very least to be useful?’
The thing is, no one person can always add value, always be helpful or useful because this person would always be giving.
This person would be exhausted and empty.
Luisa needed to rest. Our bodies and minds are not designed to be everlasting fountains. Defining ourselves by what we can give and assigning worth to others based on what we can get from them only fosters transactional relationships. Transactional relationships are short-lived, unsustainable and cannot support community.
Every human being is born with worth, and this never decreases. I saw a quote on Instagram, and while I can’t remember exactly what it said, I do recall something like this:
Your usefulness does not equate to your worth
A self professed people pleaser, I intend to ask myself the following questions the next time I am tempted to blaze past my boundaries to prove that I’m worthy of love or attention:
Am I doing this to feel loved or to get validation?
Do I need a reminder of where real love and affirmation comes from?
Am I respecting my own boundaries?
How have I loved myself today?
Real easy, I know 😉.
How have you been measuring your worth?
Watch Encanto here, I promise it’s fun.
till next time,
Jan
#hellojanis #mondaymusings #selfreflection #Encanto #lessonsfromencanto #selfworth
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