Setting the Table

I love deep conversation, the kind that makes you feel intimately connected to someone long after the night is over. I’ve found the atmosphere to make this happen sometimes has to be deliberately crafted the older and busier we become.

Valentine’s Day is next week and it’s a good time to pause and reconnect with those we love on a deeper level. Commercialized or not, making the time to demonstrate to someone you love that you are grateful for them is always a good idea.

That said, setting aside the time to connect with someone doesn’t mean you’re actually going to connect! Opening up can be hard so the atmosphere has to be conducive. I like to think of it like setting the table.

Preparing the table

You can’t connect with someone who isn’t interested in connection. If you’re setting the table, you need to have an idea who will come and why they want to be there. It’s important to meet persons where they are, rather than where you want them to be. Have you evaluated your relationships recently? Is the relationship at a standstill?

Laying out the Tableware

I like themed dinners- whether it’s taco night or something more elaborate like a Versailles themed dinner, I love to go all in and I feel like I can adapt fairly well. However if I prepared a fancy Versailles themed dinner at home and expected my child to appreciate and enjoy it, I would certainly be disappointed. He would have trouble with all the cutlery and the heavy crockery and glass and may even struggle so much he’d abandon the table to go fix himself a snack.

We naturally express love the way we want love expressed to us. However, we are all different and we receive love and feel loved in different ways. If you want to connect with someone, you have to ask yourself Have I made it possible for them to receive and enjoy what I want to share in a way that they can receive it?

Identifying love languages is a good place to start. If you’ve never heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you can read more here.

Serverware is for serving

How have you chosen to be vulnerable and how are you serving your friend or spouse at the table? It’s easy to get caught up in how someone else is failing to meet your needs or make you happy. However, very often both parties to any relationship can feel unheard or taken for granted. While it feels amazing to have someone anticipate and meet your needs, it’s unfair to expect it. This may be an opportunity to hear how you can better serve in your relationships and may open the door for you both to better communicate and express your needs.

Decor

I think of decor as that extra special touch that nods to the unique nature of the relationship. What small actions can you take to make the person feel special?

Final Step

Relax and have fun. People like to say that communication is key and it is, but sometimes it can feel forced. If you identify your communication style and the style of your loved ones, this can help. I love deep probing questions, but I don’t always want to think of them myself. Playing a game like We’re Not Really Strangers available here, is really fun for me. My husband likes to communicate during a shared experience. Some persons like short bursts.

Intimacy can be learned but it requires deliberate effort, vulnerability and time. As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, consider whether you’ve set the table for deeper and lasting connections.

#intimacy #relationships #hellojanis #valentinesday #tablescape