Open Plan Mindset with Tenn-Lai

Today’s post is written by Tenn-Lai Frame, an entrepreneur whose business serves mothers-to-be and mothers. She is following her passion to help mothers who may be struggling with feeding their babies and adapting to motherhood. You can find her on Instagram and YouTube or at her website Tenn-Lai.com where she has created a community of openness, support and encouragement. She shares her story below, please share with a mama who may be struggling.

For many years, I was a woman who didn't want children. Before my husband and I got married, we discussed having children and I "agreed" to having 2. We also agreed to wait a couple years before trying, which made me feel like I had so much time to enjoy ME and mentally preparing myself for what I NEVER grew up envisioning I would have -- CHILDREN.

When I found out I was pregnant, the first rush of emotions were fear, anxiety, and I was full of nerves. I was also, oddly filled with excitement. I WAS GOING TO BE A MOM! I WAS GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A WHOLE HUMAN!

There are so many things that come with being a new mom. One of them is questioning if you'll be a good mom. What does it take to be a good mom? Am I built for motherhood?

I did all the research I could to prepare for motherhood. I had BIG plans, but when we found out at 21 weeks pregnant, our baby had health issues, our world felt like it was turned upside down. When he was born, more health issues arose and I realized most of those plans had to go out the window.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with planning; your pregnancy plan, your birth plan, your baby’s sleep schedule etc.. But my best suggestion would be, leave room for adjustment. Things don't always turn out the way we plan, but we HAVE TO BE okay with that, or it will cause unnecessary stress. Expanding your family brings its own stress, don't allow this to be an addition to it all.

Being a good mom means doing the best YOU can. Not comparing yourself to others! The choices you make for your child, won't always be the choice you see your friends and family making for their children. AND THAT IS FINE! As a mom, you will instinctively know what is best for your child. 

Taking care of OURSELVES is also a necessary part of motherhood, which we quite often forget to do. If we don't care for ourselves, we won't be in the right mental and physical state to care for our children. This includes sleeping! Forget about what the house looks like -- go take a nap and be open to help from others. This was the hardest thing for me. I hate seeing our home a mess, but I had to let that go! I now sleep or get some work done, when my son is down for his nap. Days where I do end up cleaning, I get a wrap or baby carrier and strap him onto me. He ends up napping, while I move around and clean; he's a motion sleeper. This is a WIN WIN situation! 

Take note: Focus on your wins, not your failures. Look at your failures as learning lessons -- room for growth! This can be applied to any area in your life.

Our children are always watching and learning from us. When they grow up watching their parents take care of themselves, they will make selfcare a priority in their own lives.

So mommy, if it means once a month, you take time away from your children to have some ME time, DO IT. I am very big on scheduling -- go and schedule it in your calendar and make it mandatory. You wouldn't miss your Child's doctors appointments, so don't miss your ME time. 

My ME time, is spent SLEEPING! ;)

Now, if you end up skipping over your "me time", don't beat up on yourself. Just as we would like others to give us grace when we make mistakes, we need to give ourselves GRACE! Mothering is hard work, and right now, your baby is priority. I get it, ALL MOMS GET IT! It’s so easy to beat up on ourselves -- thinking "I am never doing enough' or "I could be doing things differently'. Being a first time mom, this was constantly running through my head. I had to realize: 'I have never done this before, and neither has my son'. We are both learning! For mothers of multiple children, it is still a learning curve. They are managing an additional person; balancing a newborn with other children. We all need to give ourselves a break, and just take it one day at a time!

I don't know about you, but motherhood has felt like an ongoing learning process. Once I've felt like I've mastered something, it then changes (either because of growth, learning curve, family dynamic changes, etc), and I have to start all over with trial and errors until I find something else that works. Do you feel the same?

Remember, you are only one person. An imperfect person, who will make mistakes. As long as you learn from your mistakes. Get up everyday, understanding it may not be perfect, but start with gratitude. You'll be surprised how that impacts your outlook on things!

Until Next time -- Adios Mamas!

• Tenn-Lai